OK, so I forgot my password..

Yes, it's been 8 months since I last wrote. And that is because I forgot my password. Only did it occur to me tonight. I also forgot after a while that I had a blog until I felt like searching other blogs. Some say it's mommy forgetfulness, I just say it's me getting old, haha.

Life has been rather chaotic lately. "They" say that God doesn't give you more than you can handle, but I feel like God always makes sure I have a full plate of things TO handle. And I want to know who "They" is. I try to live by that philosophy always but I find lately it's harder and harder to do so. I feel like crumbling. Some days it takes everything I have to get up out of bed.

My son asked me today if I was happy. And said that it was ok if I wasn't because we aren't always supposed to be happy - that is why God gave us different feelings to use. And I thought a while about that - he makes a lot of sense. (yes, my son is incredibly smart!). And I finally answered him truthfully - that sometimes I am not happy. That sometimes I am sad, sometimes I am mad, and sometimes I just don't know how I'm feeling. That is me today - I'm not sure where my thoughts are anymore.

I've been faced with some challenges lately - challenges to do with myself, and challenges to do with how I looked at people and now are seeing them in a new light, not necessarily a good light. That scares me. I don't like change, and seeing these "new lights" if you will, well, I'm not pleased with what I'm seeing and accepting the change only scares me even more. So what does one do? Ignore the fact that the change is happening? Move past it? Deal with it? I'm not sure, and that is what the battle is in my head. And not just in my head, but deeply in my heart.

I have seen in the last few weeks that some people are not who I thought they were. Or maybe they haven't changed, maybe I had misconceptions about who they were. Or maybe I had high hopes as to who they were. In any case, my thoughts and opinions on them have changed, and that frightens me. I want things to go back to how they were, and they can't.

I'm wondering if this post makes any sense. In my head it does, but if you are reading it, it probably doesn't. But that's ok. Because for me typing it out helps, seeing it in print makes me have to face these fears, these new truths. And pray that I will one day be able to move past them.

Wow, it's been a while!

I have not posted anything in months. My life has certainly changed, definitely for the better! My daughter had a baby girl, Gabriella, this past Thursday. Now I have an official full house! She is just adorable, a little peanut. Now that gives me more to scrap!

Speaking of scrapping, you MUST check out ChattyScrappers.com. There is an awesome online crop going on this weekend - you won't find a better place for scrapbookers to be!

And on that note, I must go continue my scrapping for the crop, but please come by!

There is something wrong with me, for real!

OK - so my luck sucks lately.

Last night I went to take my inhaler - it uses a pill that breaks open once I press the button, and then I inhale it. I've been on this med for 2 years twice a day, you'd think I would know how to use it, right? Well somehow, I put my prozac pill in it instead, broke that, and inhaled that powder!! NASTY! It was the most gross thing I have EVER tasted - I felt sick immediately, and was quite freaked out because I don't think one should be inhaling prozac powder!

Night before - a wasp decided to settle between my breasts, and when I saw it, it stung me 4 times! My chest swelled up, I began to vomit, oh what a fun night!

And the day before that - I can't get water in my left ear due to my tube being missing and my ear clogs. Accidentally got water in there for the first time in 12 years! Ear clogged, I used alcohol on it, the pain was intense. So now my equilibrium is off and 3 days later, I still feel wobbly and hear swishing.

What will happen today? Oh the suspense!

A Thoughtful Day

For some reason today, I've done a lot of reflecting. Maybe it has to do with the dream I had early this morning.

Caldor had opened its doors again, and Marc and I were hired back to work together. Suddenly I felt like 1996 when we first fell in love, the excitement of seeing him at work, the secret touches, the stolen kisses (yes that sounds cliche but it was quite true!). And I woke up craving that, missing that. I miss working side by side with Marc. I miss us being a team together.

So then that led to my thinking - am I really a good wife? Am I still the woman he fell in love with over 12 years ago? I hope so. I love him just as much if not more now than I ever did. And I can only hope he feels the same way.

Then that led to me thinking about life in general - am I really who I want to be? Do others see me as that as well?

A challenge on my scrapping board gave me a chance to reflect on my thoughts today - hopefully tomorrow will be less reflective for me - especially since I really don't have any answers to my questions of today.

Welcome!

Welcome to my first ever blog! If you are reading this, then you have nothing else to do, I'm assuming, which is why I usually search blogs, haha.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Shawn, wife to Marc for almost 11 1/2 years. I have 4 beautiful children - Melany who is 21, Megan who is 18, Laurel who is also 18, and Austin who is 6. I'm also the grandmother to my beautiful Dominick, who is just 3 weeks old - Laurel is his mommy. AND I'm excited to be a grandmother again in November when Melany gives birth to beautiful Gabriella (I already know from the u/s pics she'll be gorgeous!). And lastly, I am mommy to my doggetties as my hubby calls them - Nami and Molly, who are both 12.

I love to take pictures. If you don't know this, you should. Because that is a huge part of who I am. I am the one behind the camera, always have been, always will be. I must take pictures of everything and anything in my life. Why, I'm not sure, but I must. I have this fear of being gone one day and my family not being able to remember - I want future generations to see us all for who we are, for what we did, for the fun and beautiful memories we created. First baths, first days of school, first proms, first cars, graduations, first babies, and later down the road, 2nd, 3rd, 4th babies. Pictures of great-great-grandparents with new babies, beautiful artwork created by little hands, messes made in the kitchen with bowls of cornstarch and glue, quiet moments staring at waterfronts, and family family family!!! And to make sure others see these, I scrapbook. A lot. A real lot.

Some might say I'm a tad obsessed with pictures and scrapping - to that, I say hurray! You know who I am! I love my family more than anything in the world, they are my heart, my soul, and I love love to scrap them and photo them.

So now that you know who I am, sit back and enjoy, or get bored - you never know what you might find in a day in my life!